As Women, Why Do We Still Deal with Mean Girls?

A few days ago, I posted something on my insta-stories that I had witnessed at my gym. I received a beyond overwhelming response so I wanted to share it here in hopes it reach a broader audience as well as a few thoughts of my own about mean girls.

Last week after spin class, I decided to stay to do a quick circuit of arms. As I walked toward the weights, I noticed two new girls that I hadn’t seen before. They were total fitness models, beautiful & decked out in the cutest workout clothes. Since I didn’t have my headphones, I could hear their girl-talk; the regular, recapping the weekend, boy drama, etc. I wondered if these two would be my new gym friends. As I was midway through arms, another girl walked in. Regular black leggings, old tank top & frizzy hair pulled back in a messy bun, she put in her headphones & picked up some weights. That’s when their run of the mill girl- talk changed. These two model-esque women started blatantly making fun of this girl. Her outfit, the way she was working out, even questioning why she felt the need to work out her arms when other parts of her body needed more immediate attention; no topic was safe. My heart sunk. I stood there shocked, frozen & speechless until I realized the girl knew they had to be talking about her. It wasn’t conspicuous. The girl made a face of sheer embarrassment, put down her weights and hastily walked away. Still stunned that this could even occur, I threw down my weights and ran after this poor girl as I couldn’t imagine someone coming to the gym, trying to better themselves, only to be crying alone in the bathroom. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find her and think she left right away. My heart has been so broken thinking about this situation.

I’ve been thinking a lot about mean girls lately and know it’s been something every woman has dealt with in their life. In hindsight, I can pinpoint a specific time that nice girls transition to mean girls. Mostly, it seems to happen in late elementary or middle school with high school really being the big crescendo. While overall I had a good high school experience, I was not exempt from being the target of mean girl behavior. I came from a small private elementary school to a larger pubic high school, in a small town. So, therefore, I was an easy target. I was initially made fun of for being “too nice.” Girls said I was only nice because I wanted to be crowned homecoming queen at the end of high school. Really? In another instance, I had come home from NYC where I had seen so many cute, trendy girls wearing hats just like this one. I loved being “fashion forward” (let’s be honest, as much as I could for being a high schooler in the early 2000’s) and wore it to my school’s basketball game. I remember thinking about what exact outfit I would wear with my new beloved hat, exactly how I’d do my makeup; if you think back, it’s a big deal at 16. When a few of my girlfriends and my mom walked into the stands, a group of girls a year older pointed & audibly laughed (read: cackled) at me. Everyone stared. I felt like I may as well be wearing a clown suit. I played it off like Elle Woods in the bunny costume, but inside I was devastated.

Questions raced in my mind. Did I buy the wrong hat? Are hats dumb? Why didn’t I just wear an Abercrombie t shirt & jeans like everybody else at my school? But I can think back and remember the instant I realized it wasn’t me or my hat that these were laughing at. It was their own insecurity. That…and frankly, they were bitches.

What terrifies me most is that stupid mean girls from high school don’t just stay in high school. The big crescendo does not stop there. While my stories are minor examples, they are the instances I feel comfortable sharing; I know many women who had it way worse. And for what? Why do they feel the need to tear others down to build themselves up? Like our teenage awkward phases, why don’t these girls grow out of it?

I may not have been the target at the gym the other day but witnessing it still hurt. There is something to glean from this situation and it’s that mean girls turn into mean women. The gym bully body shamers, shit talkers, moms who feel the need to criticize how other women raise their children and the mysterious social media veil that seemingly makes it OK to make nasty comments. It has got to stop.

What happened to forging #GirlPower friendships on the basis of Spice Girls and working together to bring down Regina George? While I’m not lobbying for us to literally push all mean girls in front of buses, I am hoping that more women will give up their immature and insecure ways and just be kind. Why are we competing against each other when there is room for everyone to be successful?

I hope the next time you’re in a situation with a mean girl, I hope you say something. Because I know I will. I hope next time something judgmental or callous about a friend pops into your head, I hope you refrain from saying it. Because I know I will.

There is enough pink for us ALL to wear on Wednesdays.

Cheers

2018: Resolutions We ALL Need to Make This Year

<clearly adjusting well to hygge in my fav pajamas>

New year, new me? To be honest, I’m not huge on resolutions. I like the idea of a “refresh” button but who’s to say that can’t happen in June or September? Either way, if you’re reevaluating this January (or February…. or March), here are a few resolutions we all should be making.

  1. Schedule your yearly physicals with your doctors. When I moved, I didn’t get a PCP right away and eventually found myself making excuses or feeling like I couldn’t take time off work. Bad. The saying is true, we’re nothing without our health. Check in with your PCP, dermatologist and ladies, your OB-GYN. If you have questions or concerns, don’t hesitate to ask. In fact, come with questions! “Does this mole look normal?” I promise you’re not the first person to ask whatever is on your mind.
  2. Adapt the Danish concept of Hygge. Hygge can simply be defined as enjoying life’s simple pleasures; a cozy contentment. Everyone has something that recharges their batteries, for some it’s a slow Saturday morning or cozy night in with friends. The point is to gain energy from taking joys in the simple things; try to schedule your self some hygge once a month.
  3. Identify a bad habit & try to break it. Even if you only do this once in 2018, you’ve broken one bad habit. For me, it was looking at my phone before going to bed. The blue light was affecting my sleep pattern and frankly, we don’t always need to be connected. I’ve supplemented that time with enjoying a hot cup of tea and reading for at least 30 minutes before bed. I haven’t been able to do that ritual every single night, but it’s something I look forward to and I’ve definitely found it easier to disconnect.
  4. Be more productive. Whether it’s at work, in the gym, working on your side hustle, whatever it is, push yourself to out of your comfort zone. I promise you will find yourself feeling rewarded by staying motivated.
  5. Monitor your progress. It’s so easy to get bogged down in remembering the things you aren’t doing, but so important to remember the small victories. Did you make it to the gym on the day you were really tired? Good for you! Did you break a bad habit? Good for you. Don’t forget to relish in the small victories. The (wine) glass is half full!
  6. Know you can do anything, just not everything. There are many times where I find myself overcommitted. Stressing yourself out by agreeing to do too much or putting my efforts in several different areas; it doesn’t allow creativity or time to let your brain rest. Your parents weren’t kidding when they said you could do anything, but you can’t truly succeed if you’re putting bits of yourself towards different goals. Pick one, work like hell and achieve it… then move onto the next one.
  7. Remove yourself from toxic situations. Not to mince words, cut down on the drama. If you find yourself in a toxic relationship with a friend, remove yourself. If you find yourself in a toxic situation, remove yourself. No one should ever rob you of your energy.
  8. Make a new healthy habit. I know it’s trite to say “get healthy” as new year resolution. However, I challenge you to make a new healthy habit & stick to it. Maybe for the overachiever, it’s practicing self-care. Maybe it’s to incorporate a green vegetable into a daily meal or try that spin class you’ve been nervous to try.
  9. Stay informed. As circumstances have it now, news changes in an instant. Thanks to our socially connected lifestyle, it’s easier than ever to stay informed. Being informed is integral. It’s important to know the facts when it comes to voting, social action and beyond. At very least, sign up for The Skimm, it’s a great place to start.
  10. Be a little bit kinder. The world is in a weird place right now. Having a little extra patience or the desire to pay it forward can only benefit all of us.

Cheers

Goodbye Summer, Hello Fall

Happy Friday & official first day of fall. A few weeks ago, the east coast had our first taste of sweater weather. Of course, we ended up having a bit of a resurgence of warmer weather but that doesn’t mean my sweaters aren’t freshly stacked in my closet waiting for their debut on a crisp, fall day. For me, there are a few things that come with the first crisp breeze…

<crispness in the air always makes me want to stay in bed juuuust a little longer>

  1. Hot Tea. I normally drink green tea every morning as I’m not a coffee gal but it always feels a little different in the fall. On weekend mornings, I’ll leisurely drink a cup by our patio fire pit or snuggled on the couch with the door open.
  2. Switching up my Cooking Routine. I love fall vegetables. Perusing the farmer’s market when all the apples, and squash are in season is so fulfilling to me. I love, love, love this Sweet Potato Gnocchi recipe. It’s usually the first heartier, fall recipe I make every year. Plus.. SOUP!
  3. Holiday Planning. Once October hits, I’ve already picked up like two Bon Appétit magazines, they usually have a perfected turkey or gorgeous tablescape on the front. I love planning out the holidays; when we’ll get together with friends, little stocking stuffers for Christmas morning. While my mind doesn’t go straight to Christmas, this year I’ve promised myself, my gifts will be taken care of prior to December 15. No last minute scramble for me.
  4. Warmer Toned Makeup. If you haven’t noticed, I love deeper toned lipsticks and live for a good marsala or caramel lip. I’ll be sure to share some of my favorites this fall.
  5. Fall Football. In the midwest, football isn’t just a game, it’s an occasion. Tailgating is a must & if you’re watching from the comfort of your own home, snacks & lucky jerseys are a necessity. (Go Bucks!)
  6. Baking. Especially in the fall, pies are my absolute favorite. I also gravitate towards breads like banana, zucchini and if you don’t want to make anything from scratch, these breads from Williams-Sonoma.
  7. “Basic” Activities. I’m not sure when supporting a local farm became labeled as “basic” but yea, I do love picking apples, gathering pumpkins to carve, etc. Those local farms always have the best cider, too.
  8. Fall Fashion. Boots, vests, snuggly sweaters all make their way to the front of my closet & I couldn’t be happier.
  9. Autumn Cocktails. While I’m not a fan of PSL, fresh ciders or spiked apple ciders are my jam.
  10. Candles. I think my love of candles stems from missing a fireplace in our cozy apartment. In the fall, I always have a candle lit. For me, I always opt for lighter scents like snuggly sweater or fresh cotton.

What are you most excited about for fall?

Cheers,